10 Secrets to Getting Your Woman Hooked on You!
Tips for Successful Lesbian Dating

By Susan Adams, Founder Lavender Liaisons

What turns a new relationship into a long-term relationship? How do you keep the new relationship energy flowing? How do you break the short-term relationship syndrome?

After years of matchmaking, counseling, and being active in the San Francisco Bay Area lesbian community, I have gathered quite a bit of information on what it takes to making long-term relationships work. Here is a quick list of 10 things you can do to turn that budding romance into the relationship of your dreams:

1 – State Your intentions Up Front. Affirm to your partner that you are committed to making your relationship work and that you are in it for the long haul. Stating your intentions at the beginning of the relationship can prevent mishaps down the road. Be truthful about your intentions, declaring that you want a long-term relationship when you desire a fling is lying.

2 – Embrace the Power of Romance. Long stem roses and French champagne every night are nice, but not realistic. Small simple gestures go a long way. Stop and pick some wildflowers along the road, send a text kiss to her cell phone in the middle of the day just to say I'm thinking of you—make her feel like a priority in your life. Take 10 seconds to remind her that she is the sunshine of your day. It's really not that difficult and it works!

3 – 80/20 Rule: Listen More Than Talk.
Take time to listen to your partner. Ask questions about her accomplishments and her fears. Don't dismiss her feelings or concerns as invalid or not as important as yours. Try to listen 80% of the time and talk 20%. It's not all about you, sometimes it's all about her.

4 – Stay Attractive: Maintain Your Health/Appearance/Hygiene.
If she is with you, there was something about you that attracted her. Keep it that way. Stay healthy. If you were working out before the relationship, continue to do so once you are together. If you dressed funky and hip before you started dating, continue being a fashion plate in the relationship. Maintain your personal hygiene. Shower and style your hair as often as you used to—it's important now more than ever.

5 – Get Over Your Past. Leave your musty baggage behind. Everyone has experiences from past relationships; it is how you deal with them that makes a difference in your future. Leave the toxic experiences behind. If you truly can't, then see Tip #6.

6 – Employ a Good Therapist, Work on Yourself, Consider Couples' Therapy. Check out the lay of the land. If you or your partner are carrying around leftover angst consider seeing a therapist. It isn't a sign of weakness, but evidence that you are serious about making things work. If there are deal-breakers in the relationship, discuss them with a therapist. Problems can be worked out. It is always better to seek counseling at the slightest inkling of a problem than past the point of no return.

7 – Compatibility and Alignment. Attraction is a wonderful thing, but sometimes two people just aren't meant to be together long-term. Explore compatibility before you make long-term plans. Align your spiritual beliefs, political views, plans for children, etc. BEFORE you commit. Do your lesbian types align (butch, femme, etc.)?

8 – Make Your Relationship a Priority. Make time for your partner. Make time for your relationship. Keep it front and center so it truly becomes a priority and not an after-thought. Nobody wants to feel like second fiddle whether it is to your job, your family or your friends. Make your woman feel like she is the most precious thing in the world to you, because she is!

9 – Share Your Hobbies. Spend time together. Everyone needs their alone time too, but strike a balance and keep the fun alive. Take a class together, go dancing, check out Outdoor Adventures for Women. There are various avenues for lesbian couples in the San Francisco Bay Area—take advantage of them.

10 – Share Alone Time. Make sure you make time to be alone together, away from family and friends. Make time for vacations, consider a Lesbian Cruise or weekend getaways to Napa, Big Sur, Tahoe, Palm Springs, etc.

» Return to: "Resources: Dating Advice, Tips & More"

About the Author

Susan Adams, founder and CEO of Lavender Liaisons has 20 years of matchmaking experience. Having successfully arranged a host of marriages and hundreds of relationships, Susan's experience and personalized approach has made Lavender Liaisons the most flourishing lesbian matchmaking company in the San Francisco Bay Area.

She created it with the vision, and the goal, to reinvent the common practice of matchmaking, and cater it to the lesbian community. Her service is dedicated to women of courage, caliber, and commitment. Lavender Liaisons is a customized personalized service whose mission is to provide lesbians with a safe place to share their stories, be understood, celebrate each other and fall in love. www.lavenderliaisons.com